2nd annual Wisconsin Exotic Car Party
Hosted at Rodney Dickman's house in Caledonia, Wisconsin. Thanks to Carla and Rodney for organizing this fun event, and thanks to Gene for a ...
now serving
The Great Dairy Queen War does not appear in high school textbooks because it was so bloody and bitter that nobody wants to even think about it
anymore.
Also it was technically a small war. It only involved about 40 people, and it took place on the border between Eau Claire and Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin. In other words, it was not a war that was covered in-depth by The New York Times. Nevertheless, it happened.
It was June 14, 2007 when the war broke out.  A 40-year-old man, exhausted from a day of teaching science to 4th graders and issuing each of them their very complicated personalized medication regimes for ADHD–every kid but one in his class now had ADHD–this man was driving home and he thought he should reward himself with an Oreo blizzard. So he pulled over and he stood in line and he got one. Everything would have been okay if he had just gotten in his car and driven away. But he was excited about his blizzard, and was feeling friendly, so he sidled up to another guy who was leaning on a garbage can nibbling at a vanilla cone.
“Check this out,” he said, turning his blizzard upside down and shaking it. “Best blizzard in all of Eau Claire,” said the 4th grade teacher, with a wide satisfied grin on his face.
“This is Chippewa Falls,” said the man with the vanilla cone. He was wearing a bandana and the 4th grade teacher looked out the window and noticed a very large motorcycle with a skull lashed to the handlebars.
“No, this is Eau Claire, this Dairy Queen belongs to Eau Claire,” said the 4th grade teacher, ignoring his gut unease beause he happened to vividly remember when this particular Dairy Queen was built. It was when he was in junior high school, and he remembers because it was also written up in the school newspaper. The Eagle Eye.
“Chippewa, my friend,” said the biker guy, standing up straight. “You ain’t nothing. Eau Claire is nothing,” said the biker. “You think you’re so hot but you ain’t. This is our Dairy Queen and just because you got Luther Hospital AND Sacred Heart you think you’re something. Well let me tell you something. Ever heard of a little brewery called Leinenkugel’s? Yeah that’s ours. And so is this Dairy Queen. So why don’t you get back in your precious volvo and turn on NPR on your way home to your llama farm. How about that?”
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