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Newt Gingrich: Everything You'd Expect From A Slimy, Swamp Creature Devoid Of Human Emotions Trying To Slither His Way Into The White House
Slimy, bigoted, power-starved Republican presidential hopeful (or just another Grand Ol' Pretender?) Newt Gingrich, is the esteemed subject of a new Esquire profile in which his spurned, totally not pretty enough to keep , second-wife dishes the dirt about their 2000 divorce, leading of course to his third (and maybe even last!) happy marriage with a new wifey, and how Newt simply adores cheating on his various wives, special bonus if they're bed-ridden in a hospital dying from cancer. Hotttttttt! Because who better to lead this blessed country back from the Obyss than that special kind of asshole , the kind that only comes around every precious few years as a cautious reminder about the dangers of power in the hands of incomprehensibly selfish, morally-devoid, self-serving hypocritical egomaniacs, with all the integrity you'd expect from the rest of the insane, scary people currently calling themselves Teabaggers (or is Republicans? I can never tell anymore!) proving themselves patriots by spitting on the constitution, randomly throwing out as many Nazi and Hitler references as time permits, warning America against the evil threat of Comrade Barry's Socialist Democratic plot to insure poor people, and of course, the scourge of all no-good minorities, like terrible A-rabs, Mexicans, Homos, and anyone who so much even look like It is no secret that a couple years ago, Newt finally admitted what everyone already knew: He had been messing around on his second wife, Marianne, with his soon-to-be third, much younger, hotter wife, Callista, all the while leading the Republican moral crusade to impeach Bill Clinton for catching a couple of BJ's in the Oval Office from a certain very eager intern whose skill sets included a special kind of lip service and one-on-one attention to detail. Which I suppose isn't too far out of character for a man who not only cheated on his first wife, but was chivalrous enough to present her with divorce papers while she was laid...
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